So many directions, so little time

I only have one year of college left, and it's getting to be that time when people expect that I know what I'm going to do when I get done. When I was a freshman, even a sophomore, it was okay to say, "I don't know. I'm just doing what I love, and I'll see what comes of it. I like to keep my options open." But now I get the feeling that people think I'm a total loser if I give an answer like that. I'm assuming that a lot of college students are in my same place.

I am majoring in Literature with a Writing Emphasis and minoring in Environmental Biology. I originally decided to major in Lit. with a Writing Emphasis because I love to read and write, and it is one of my strongest skills. I had the intention of becoming a middle school English teacher by going for a fifth year of college to get my Master's degree in Education. My desire to become a teacher arose largely from the fact that it is a career very compatible with raising a family. Then in the beginning of my sophomore year I began to see more and more that I had a passion for the outdoors and environmental issues. I decided to add an Environmental Biology minor, with the intention of pursuing a career in environmental writing.

Since then, almost all of my job experience has been in youth environmental education. I enjoy these jobs, but I'm still not sure if it's what I want to do for a career. I would really like to be able to incorporate my knowledge of English and writing into my career somehow. I have thought of all sorts of options: teaching English as a second language, scientific communications, speech language pathology, and environmental interpretation to name a few.

As of now I am pretty certain that I will go to grad school of some sort so that I can gain more of a speciality in whatever I do decide to go into. Keeping my options open has had its advantages. I feel like I am free to do whatever I set my mind to once I graduate, but this is also very scary. I have no idea where I'll be or what I'll be doing a year from now. This could be a great adventure or a great disaster, and I guess all I can do is hope and pray from the former.

The rest of my career and life may depend on decisions I make this year. I know I can always change my mind, and most people do end up going in several directions before they settle into something. I guess the part that is making this decision really hard is that I have nothing to tie me down. On one hand there is so much of the world I'd like to see; on the other hand, I feel that if I do not settle down in one place I will never form the human connections I need. On one hand I'd like to plan my future around raising a family someday; on the other hand, I can't plan my future around a hypothetical family.

A part of me wishes that I could just know a little bit of what the future will hold so that I could plan around that, but the other part of me, the deep down part, knows that would take all of the adventure out of living.